Benefits of Being Single! Hollah!

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I am so tired of listening to my coworkers, friends, family members, social media, movies, etc. rant and rave about how great relationships are! Good for you all! I’m truly happy for all of you who have someone “special” in their lives. But you know who else I’m happy for? Me and all the single ladies and gents out there! Can I please get a big HELL YEAH for all those people out there who are leading independent and free lives out there?! Instead of listing a bunch of sad depressing country love songs to make us feel terrible for being alone, or listing a bunch of reasons why we can’t find “love”, or talking about how great being a “couple” is, I’m going to shake things up!

Here are some FABULOUS BENEFITS OF BEING SINGLE! (HOLLAH)

  1. Hog the bed! – We (singles) can spread out on that bed, toss and turn, and take up the queen sized bed without have to worry if we’re giving someone else enough space.
  2. No waking up to morning wood poking my ass! – Okay, this one is for single girls mostly. But come on ladies, how annoying is it to wake up with a guy who’s poking you with his little “wake up call” in the butt to get your attention to let you know he’s “UP”.
  3. No waking up to loud snoring in the middle of the night! – I dated a guy who I would’ve sworn was Darth Vader by the way his snoring sounded. It was like Darth Vader choking mixed with a dog barking. So loud and so annoying!
  4. Covers all to ourselves! – I am such a blanket stealer, but my ex was too! So we would sleep fight with each other to get the covers back! Now I can snuggle all up in my blankets all to myself. So cozy!
  5. Get your Flirt on! – We now have the power to flirt with anyone we want, anytime we want, and not feel guilty about making our significant other mad or jealous.
  6. Jealousy is not an issue! – Not having to worry about my partner getting hit on, or worst hitting on someone else, is such a great feeling when you have no one to make jealous or get jealous over.
  7. Money! – Oh, you have to buy your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner’s mother something for her birthday? That sucks! I’ll be at the spa, getting pampered with the money I saved by switching to single! 🙂
  8. Not answering to someone all the time! – Don’t need to call, text, message, Facebook, tweet, email, snap, etc. to let them know what I’m doing all the time or where I’m going.
  9. No nasty stank! – Guys can smell! BAD! I’m not saying girls don’t ever smell bad. But, come on, it’s nothing compared to how gross guys smell sometimes. Like who took a shit on you today? No more worries about stinky lovers! 🙂
  10. Time For Friends! – Going out with the ladies or poker night with the guys, we got all the time for our besties out there!
  11. No Pretending to like someone’s family! – Okay, you’re single now, you can admit that his mother wasn’t your favorite in the person to be around. She always made snide comments about you, which he always denied she meant! Now you don’t have to put up with people you don’t like.
  12. Sweatpants Love! – Absolutely love the feeling of coming home after a long day of work and sinking into your favorite pair of sweats! No need to throw on more confined clothes to look good for someone else. Pshh.. Let it all hang out!
  13. No More Faking! – No more faking orgasms to spare feelings. If you don’t got it – no worries. & If you do got it – no need to ask permission to first.
  14. Shaving! – You don’t need to shave every single day. You decide when and where you want to shave.
  15. Insecurities! – No insecurities to deal with except your own.
  16. No Sharing! – Eat that chocolate molten cake all to yourself! You don’t need to share it with anyone 🙂
  17. No More Excuses To Get Out Of Sex! – You don’t have to make up that you might be PMSing, or have cramps or a headache anymore!
  18. The Remote Control! – You get that bad boy all to yourself! No one else gets a say on what to watch. Friends Marathon? I think so 🙂
  19. No Annoying Habits To Deal With! –  That one is pretty self-explanatory 😉
  20. Only Messes To Clean Are Your Own! – No more picking up his dirty socks or doing his dirty dishes.
  21. Toilet Seat! – It only moves when you move it. No more falling into the toilet in the middle of the night when you have to pee because he left the lid up!
  22. Sex! – Yes, single people still have sex. Sometimes more than couples.
  23. Pleasuring Yourself! – Go for it! No one else cares anymore if you are getting the job done yourself. No feelings to spare. Only your feelings to care to!
  24. Movies! – Love being able to watch as many chic flicks or romantic comedies as I want without listening to someone complaining or proving how that could never happen in real life.
  25. Hobbies! – Spending more time doing what you really love.
  26. Adventures! – Going on random crazy adventures with your friends!
  27. Security! – Never having to wonder if the other person loves you, misses you, finds you attractive, is cheating on you, thinks of other people in bed, is going to dump you, etc.
  28. Travel! – Traveling where the hell you want because you don’t have to worry about leaving someone behind or someone getting jealous over your adventures.
  29. Confidence!  – Being single is a great way to build your own confidence, instead of it relying on someone else who may up and leave someday!
  30. Yourself! – Getting to know yourself is the best benefit of being single in the whole world! Learning about yourself, what you like, what you don’t like, where you want to go, what you want to see, who you want to be, etc. The best gift you can give yourself, is being single long enough to really know who you are as a single human being. Because we all know we change a little when we’re with someone else.

I could literally keep talking about how awesome being single is, but I think you all get my point. Be proud of how independent and awesome you are! Go out tonight and have a toast to celebrate your single fabulous life! You only have a small amount of years single, before the rest of your life spending it with someone else. Enjoy being single. Don’t dwell on how great it could be enjoying your life with someone else. Life is great when you’re alone too! Life isn’t going to be any easier just because you have someone to sleep next to at night. Don’t let your happiness depend on anyone else but yourself.

To Being Single & Fabulous,

Just Meg

xoxo

False Alarm!

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Lately, I have been a little tense. So when I came home from work last Thursday to hear a loud noise coming from upstairs, my nerves got the best of me. I heard what sounded like someone walking around the upstairs of my condo, and what sounded like dropping the air conditioner in my sister’s room. I live with my sister, but she wasn’t home from work.

“Hello?” I yelled upstairs. And then I heard a loud sound that echoed the house. I got the hell out of there! I fell on my ass as I jumped back in fright! I got out of the condo, and whipped out of my phone to call my sister.

“Kiki, there’s someone upstairs!”

“Hang up and call the cops then!”imagesCA1B85IZ

I did just that. I dialed 911 and spoke to the dispatcher. As I explained what had happened he told me to go to my car and wait for the officers to get there, and to stay on the line with him until he did.

“Should I go check it out? I have a pocket knife and if you stay on the phone with me, I should be all set, right?” I asked

“Miss, do not go back into your home! And you should not be telling me you have a concealed weapon on you when three officers are on their way to you right now. Just be patient and remain calm.” The dispatcher responded.

A concealed weapon, really? I thought to myself. I spotted my neighbor pulling in next to me, “My neighbor just got home, should I tell him what’s going on?” I asked the dispatcher. “Yes. Tell him to not go out back, until the police get there.” He responded.

So I walked over to my neighbor, who okay I’ll admit it, is pretty cute, and I nonchalantly said, “Hey! Just letting you know that the cops are on their way over here because I came home to someone possibly robbing me upstairs. Just giving you a heads up so you don’t panic when the police get here.” His eyes widen as I told him, “S*&%, are you serious? I better tell my girlfriend to lock the doors.” I told him that was a good idea and as he was walking away I told him to not go out back until the police get here. He stood still for a second and then turned towards me. “I got an email today from the landlord saying that there were people going to be cleaning the gutters. There out back right now. Was it them that you heard?” He asked me. “No, it was coming from inside my place when I came home.” I answered back. He just kind of smiled and walked inside to warn his girlfriend.

imagesCAAHH51UThree police cars pulled up right after. Three officers and a K-9 dog got out. One came up to talk to me, one went out back with the dog, and one stood out by my front door. I was getting nervous and started shaking. I kept thinking that it was one of my brother’s friends coming to look for prescription pills, or it was my abusive ex boyfriend and he had found where I was living now, or it was a total stranger just stealing all of our stuff! The cop who was standing to me asked what happened and I told him what I had told the dispatcher I had spoken with on the phone. The cop with the dog came back up front and stood next to the one that was in standing by my front door. One cop pulled his weapon out and proceeded to go inside my place. My heart raced as I was worried to hear shots fired or screaming and shouting. I had no idea what was about to unfold. imagesCAI5M5LL

Minutes later, the cops came out. My sister was finally home and we were standing there as the cops walked up to us to inform us that there was no one inside and what I had heard was the latter the two men outside were using to clean the gutters!

I felt like a complete idiot! The cops walked us inside to double-check to make sure nothing was missing, which there wasn’t. Then I jumped when I heard the loud sound again. The office then told me that was the guys cleaning our gutters and there was nothing to worry about because they aren’t inside the house.

All in all, the cops were very good about my false alarm. Although, I was just in shock and scared silly, I guess it’s better than actually having someone in the house and stealing our belongings.

Here’s to the guys who clean my gutters,

Just Meg

xoxo