Benefits of Being Single! Hollah!

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I am so tired of listening to my coworkers, friends, family members, social media, movies, etc. rant and rave about how great relationships are! Good for you all! I’m truly happy for all of you who have someone “special” in their lives. But you know who else I’m happy for? Me and all the single ladies and gents out there! Can I please get a big HELL YEAH for all those people out there who are leading independent and free lives out there?! Instead of listing a bunch of sad depressing country love songs to make us feel terrible for being alone, or listing a bunch of reasons why we can’t find “love”, or talking about how great being a “couple” is, I’m going to shake things up!

Here are some FABULOUS BENEFITS OF BEING SINGLE! (HOLLAH)

  1. Hog the bed! – We (singles) can spread out on that bed, toss and turn, and take up the queen sized bed without have to worry if we’re giving someone else enough space.
  2. No waking up to morning wood poking my ass! – Okay, this one is for single girls mostly. But come on ladies, how annoying is it to wake up with a guy who’s poking you with his little “wake up call” in the butt to get your attention to let you know he’s “UP”.
  3. No waking up to loud snoring in the middle of the night! – I dated a guy who I would’ve sworn was Darth Vader by the way his snoring sounded. It was like Darth Vader choking mixed with a dog barking. So loud and so annoying!
  4. Covers all to ourselves! – I am such a blanket stealer, but my ex was too! So we would sleep fight with each other to get the covers back! Now I can snuggle all up in my blankets all to myself. So cozy!
  5. Get your Flirt on! – We now have the power to flirt with anyone we want, anytime we want, and not feel guilty about making our significant other mad or jealous.
  6. Jealousy is not an issue! – Not having to worry about my partner getting hit on, or worst hitting on someone else, is such a great feeling when you have no one to make jealous or get jealous over.
  7. Money! – Oh, you have to buy your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner’s mother something for her birthday? That sucks! I’ll be at the spa, getting pampered with the money I saved by switching to single! 🙂
  8. Not answering to someone all the time! – Don’t need to call, text, message, Facebook, tweet, email, snap, etc. to let them know what I’m doing all the time or where I’m going.
  9. No nasty stank! – Guys can smell! BAD! I’m not saying girls don’t ever smell bad. But, come on, it’s nothing compared to how gross guys smell sometimes. Like who took a shit on you today? No more worries about stinky lovers! 🙂
  10. Time For Friends! – Going out with the ladies or poker night with the guys, we got all the time for our besties out there!
  11. No Pretending to like someone’s family! – Okay, you’re single now, you can admit that his mother wasn’t your favorite in the person to be around. She always made snide comments about you, which he always denied she meant! Now you don’t have to put up with people you don’t like.
  12. Sweatpants Love! – Absolutely love the feeling of coming home after a long day of work and sinking into your favorite pair of sweats! No need to throw on more confined clothes to look good for someone else. Pshh.. Let it all hang out!
  13. No More Faking! – No more faking orgasms to spare feelings. If you don’t got it – no worries. & If you do got it – no need to ask permission to first.
  14. Shaving! – You don’t need to shave every single day. You decide when and where you want to shave.
  15. Insecurities! – No insecurities to deal with except your own.
  16. No Sharing! – Eat that chocolate molten cake all to yourself! You don’t need to share it with anyone 🙂
  17. No More Excuses To Get Out Of Sex! – You don’t have to make up that you might be PMSing, or have cramps or a headache anymore!
  18. The Remote Control! – You get that bad boy all to yourself! No one else gets a say on what to watch. Friends Marathon? I think so 🙂
  19. No Annoying Habits To Deal With! –  That one is pretty self-explanatory 😉
  20. Only Messes To Clean Are Your Own! – No more picking up his dirty socks or doing his dirty dishes.
  21. Toilet Seat! – It only moves when you move it. No more falling into the toilet in the middle of the night when you have to pee because he left the lid up!
  22. Sex! – Yes, single people still have sex. Sometimes more than couples.
  23. Pleasuring Yourself! – Go for it! No one else cares anymore if you are getting the job done yourself. No feelings to spare. Only your feelings to care to!
  24. Movies! – Love being able to watch as many chic flicks or romantic comedies as I want without listening to someone complaining or proving how that could never happen in real life.
  25. Hobbies! – Spending more time doing what you really love.
  26. Adventures! – Going on random crazy adventures with your friends!
  27. Security! – Never having to wonder if the other person loves you, misses you, finds you attractive, is cheating on you, thinks of other people in bed, is going to dump you, etc.
  28. Travel! – Traveling where the hell you want because you don’t have to worry about leaving someone behind or someone getting jealous over your adventures.
  29. Confidence!  – Being single is a great way to build your own confidence, instead of it relying on someone else who may up and leave someday!
  30. Yourself! – Getting to know yourself is the best benefit of being single in the whole world! Learning about yourself, what you like, what you don’t like, where you want to go, what you want to see, who you want to be, etc. The best gift you can give yourself, is being single long enough to really know who you are as a single human being. Because we all know we change a little when we’re with someone else.

I could literally keep talking about how awesome being single is, but I think you all get my point. Be proud of how independent and awesome you are! Go out tonight and have a toast to celebrate your single fabulous life! You only have a small amount of years single, before the rest of your life spending it with someone else. Enjoy being single. Don’t dwell on how great it could be enjoying your life with someone else. Life is great when you’re alone too! Life isn’t going to be any easier just because you have someone to sleep next to at night. Don’t let your happiness depend on anyone else but yourself.

To Being Single & Fabulous,

Just Meg

xoxo

Hotties at the gym! (Why it’s hard to talk to guys at the gym)

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“The gym is the watering hole for singles”  – Um, who the heck said that?

 

 

I go to the gym about 3-4 times a week and let me say it is hard to look attractive and sexy while you’re running on the treadmill dripping sweat and huffing and puffing like you’re about to blow the gym down. Because when I go to the gym, get this, I actually work out! I know, shocker! Whenever I see girls on TV or in movies working out at the gym, I’m like there is NO WAY in hell you look that skinny and barely sweating after a work out. I’ve tried running, cycling, elliptical, and some group exercise classes. Yet I’ve still never left the gym without sweat dripping down my face! I’ve got to admit, I’m proud of that, because it means I’m actually working out.

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*Note to anyone who’s busting their ass to get in shape: If you look like a sweaty hot mess after – you’re doing it right! :)*

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Now with that said, let me explain how my gym is set up a little. There are two rows of treadmills placed directly next to the lifting section, where we all know is where 90% of the guys at the gym are. And we also know, that there is something sexy about a hunky, muscular and toned man lifting and working out. Though, I could go without the loud grunting noises from the overly swollen guys who are trying way too hard. We get it – You can open any jar in your house!

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Anyways, back to the hunkies that don’t grunt every time they pick up a weight. They are directly in front of the treadmills, which we all know is where about 80% of the girls in the gym are. So we (girls), have perfect views of the guys muscles tightening when they lift, and the guys have perfect views of our “girls” bouncing up and down as we run on the treadmill. It’s the perfect set up really. This gym clearly knew what we wanted as motivation when we run.

If I had Brody Jenner, Ryan Reynolds, Channing Tatum, John Krasinski, Zac Efron, Will Smith, Trey Songz, Ryan Lochte and/or Ryan Gosling working out in front of me, let’s just say the treadmill would be the only thing keeping me from just running towards them! 🙂

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So back to why it’s so hard to approach anyone at the gym. Though my gym has a great set up, and there is a great number of very attractive men, there’s one problem. Why would anyone want to approach a sweaty mess at the gym? I mean, seriously? Especially when we’re running on the treadmills. When I’m running I’m usually  jamming out to a fast paced song, reading the captions on ESPN (I love sports), and trying not to trip or fall off the treadmill. Unfortunately, that has happened to me quite a few times. I’m a bit clumsy. 🙂

Here’s what usually happens to me when I see a cute guy at the gym and he notices me.

Me: (On the treadmill sweating like a sinner in Church – Like a really bad sinner!) *In the middle of mouthing a Nicki Minaj rap part in a song*

Hunky McHunkerson: *looks at me and smiles*

Me: *Smiles back and then chuckles to myself because I’m excited and can’t hide it very well*

Hunky McHunkerson: Takes a drink from his water bottle and then smiles at me AGAIN!

Me: Okay, now I’m just super excited I could dance but I’m running so I can’t do that. I’m starting to lose focus so I put all my energy into running faster…which makes me sweat more.

Hunky McHunkerson: Continues working out and notices me when I’m laying on the floor from exhaustion and walks over me to get the blonde toothpick who apparently doesn’t have sweat glands!

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Okay, I’ve never laid on the floor at the gym. But the rest is pretty accurate. Meeting cute people at the gym is hard. Especially when you actually work out at the gym, because then you sweat. And if you’re anything like me, then you know you’re not quite looking your best when you’re hot and sweaty!

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But let’s just admit that we’ve all been the girl on the right in this photo! Where we just don’t want to do anything physical unless it involves one of our Motivational Hotties! 🙂

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Oh well, I’ll just use Hunky McHunkerson as eye candy and motivation as I run towards Brody Jenner in my mind 🙂

 

Please enjoy the pictures of hot men I included in this post. They keep me motivated to keep in shape! I want to marry someone who looks like them! 🙂

(Try not to drool on your keyboards 😉 )

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Take a minute to place your vote in the poll to see who’s the number one “Motivation Hottie”!

 

To sweating at the gym because you’re actually working your ass off,

Just Meg

xoxo

What “hooking up” is really like in college! (told thru GIFs)

We’ve all been there! Drunk and lonely and in the mist of the alcohol induced excitement, you go home with a guy you danced with at the party. It’s the first time “hooking up” with someone you weren’t dating. It’s exciting and awkward as you leave with him back to his place! Don’t hold too much shame in yourself walking those steps back to your place the next morning. We’ve all been there!

Here’s what “hooking up” is really like in college… Shown thru some hilarious GIFs.

 

 

Your roommate drags you to a Frat Party, that the guy she’s been Facebook stalking since Freshmen Orientation, is pledging to.

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You guys start dancing with some frat guys and are too drunk to notice how they’re actually dancing with you.college

 

Then the hot guy you saw playing beer pong earlier, catches you looking at him.

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He walks over and you manage not to make a complete fool of yourself. You guys actually start hitting it off when he asks if you want to go back to his dorm to “hang out”. You get a good vibe from him and feel comfortable and safe with him.

So you’re all like…

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While, he sends a text to his roommate not to come back to the dorm that night, you let your roommate know what’s going down, by giving her the “signal” you guys came up with in the beginning of the year incase anything like this happened. (which you swore it probably wouldn’t use because you “weren’t the kind of girl to just go back to some random guy’s place to get it ON“)

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You guys are back at his place, and you skip the small talk and get right to business.

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Then, right before things start to heat up, you hear your mother’s voice in your head saying something like…

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In which you respond in your head to that voice like this…

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Then you get back to business with the hot beer pong champion guy (classy I know)

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and then you guys head to the bed to start… you know…

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Unfortunately, you’re both drunk, so in your head you’re thinking the sex is like this…

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When in reality it’s more like this…

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Once you guys are done… you kind of lay there next to each other… in awkward silence…

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You guys kind of chuckle to each other, make some comments, like “that was great”. And then he falls asleep… while you’re wide awake and start to feel guilty for what you did…

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(Which you’re not! It’s not like you do this every night!)

You finally drift off to sleep after noticing his poor choice of movie posters and naked girl lay outs on his wall. The next morning you wake up before him. Now’s your chance… sneak out of there!

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But that fails… You wake him up in the process of trying to climb over him to get out of the bed. You make some awkward small talk about how hungover you both are…

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Once you’ve gotten dressed, exchanged numbers, and finished the awkward line of, “I’ll see you around”, you proceed towards your walk of shame back to your own dorm. Which for girls is like this…

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While the walk of shame for guys is more like this…

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Once you get back to your dorm, your roommate pesters you with a TON of questions! She wants every detail and all you can really say is…

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You tell your friend everything! And you guys laugh up your big “hooking up” adventure! 

She makes me you feel less guilty and less slutty!

Which is what friends are for! 🙂

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Was that anything like your first hook up experience? Tell your story here! 🙂

 

To disobeying our mother’s rules in college,

(Just kidding Mom! LOL)

To making the best of college memories,

Just Meg

xoxo

False Alarm!

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Lately, I have been a little tense. So when I came home from work last Thursday to hear a loud noise coming from upstairs, my nerves got the best of me. I heard what sounded like someone walking around the upstairs of my condo, and what sounded like dropping the air conditioner in my sister’s room. I live with my sister, but she wasn’t home from work.

“Hello?” I yelled upstairs. And then I heard a loud sound that echoed the house. I got the hell out of there! I fell on my ass as I jumped back in fright! I got out of the condo, and whipped out of my phone to call my sister.

“Kiki, there’s someone upstairs!”

“Hang up and call the cops then!”imagesCA1B85IZ

I did just that. I dialed 911 and spoke to the dispatcher. As I explained what had happened he told me to go to my car and wait for the officers to get there, and to stay on the line with him until he did.

“Should I go check it out? I have a pocket knife and if you stay on the phone with me, I should be all set, right?” I asked

“Miss, do not go back into your home! And you should not be telling me you have a concealed weapon on you when three officers are on their way to you right now. Just be patient and remain calm.” The dispatcher responded.

A concealed weapon, really? I thought to myself. I spotted my neighbor pulling in next to me, “My neighbor just got home, should I tell him what’s going on?” I asked the dispatcher. “Yes. Tell him to not go out back, until the police get there.” He responded.

So I walked over to my neighbor, who okay I’ll admit it, is pretty cute, and I nonchalantly said, “Hey! Just letting you know that the cops are on their way over here because I came home to someone possibly robbing me upstairs. Just giving you a heads up so you don’t panic when the police get here.” His eyes widen as I told him, “S*&%, are you serious? I better tell my girlfriend to lock the doors.” I told him that was a good idea and as he was walking away I told him to not go out back until the police get here. He stood still for a second and then turned towards me. “I got an email today from the landlord saying that there were people going to be cleaning the gutters. There out back right now. Was it them that you heard?” He asked me. “No, it was coming from inside my place when I came home.” I answered back. He just kind of smiled and walked inside to warn his girlfriend.

imagesCAAHH51UThree police cars pulled up right after. Three officers and a K-9 dog got out. One came up to talk to me, one went out back with the dog, and one stood out by my front door. I was getting nervous and started shaking. I kept thinking that it was one of my brother’s friends coming to look for prescription pills, or it was my abusive ex boyfriend and he had found where I was living now, or it was a total stranger just stealing all of our stuff! The cop who was standing to me asked what happened and I told him what I had told the dispatcher I had spoken with on the phone. The cop with the dog came back up front and stood next to the one that was in standing by my front door. One cop pulled his weapon out and proceeded to go inside my place. My heart raced as I was worried to hear shots fired or screaming and shouting. I had no idea what was about to unfold. imagesCAI5M5LL

Minutes later, the cops came out. My sister was finally home and we were standing there as the cops walked up to us to inform us that there was no one inside and what I had heard was the latter the two men outside were using to clean the gutters!

I felt like a complete idiot! The cops walked us inside to double-check to make sure nothing was missing, which there wasn’t. Then I jumped when I heard the loud sound again. The office then told me that was the guys cleaning our gutters and there was nothing to worry about because they aren’t inside the house.

All in all, the cops were very good about my false alarm. Although, I was just in shock and scared silly, I guess it’s better than actually having someone in the house and stealing our belongings.

Here’s to the guys who clean my gutters,

Just Meg

xoxo

Hmmm better not…

Today, out of the blue, it happened. A moment of weakness struck me and I relapsed. I thought about him. I thought about my ex.

However, the thoughts I had weren’t evil nor mean. They were just thoughts. But can a thought about an ex, really just be a thought? If I could think about him and our memories of being a couple without actually having any feelings for the guy, it wouldn’t bother me so much. That’s what gets us, though. It’s the not the thought of how he use to stare at you while you read your kindle in bed, it’s the feeling you had when you would catch him making that face. You know that face that every guy makes when you can just tell he really loves you. The face he started giving you before he actually spoke the words that you keep in your mind like a broken record to play over and over again.

“I love you”

Terrifying words aren’t they? So bare and naked. Just stumbling out of his mouth one night and shook my world up like a hurricane. Those words aren’t suppose to be terrifying, rather peaceful and delicate. Similar to an orchid, just floating elegantly in the water without disturbance. One day I’ll get my orchid.

I wish there was a way to warn yourself that he’s going to pop up in your mind that day. So you can dodge it or avoid the trigger to remind yourself of him. Life would be so much better if you can program your mind to have a virus detector for relationships.
“Your brain suspected a thought of THE EX, so we took care of the issue and removed it’s content from your thought process.”

Done. Problem solved. But that’s not the way life works. We have to handle these situations and thoughts when they arise. I’ve always been one to just deal with things internally. Look happy and fine on the outside. A giant mess on the inside. It’s how I dealt with so much growing up, that it’s caused so many problems for me now. It caused problems with me and my ex.

So as my thought about him continued earlier, I had to remind myself that he wasn’t a great boyfriend. He wasn’t that guy I fell for anymore. He lied to me. He cheated on me. He broke endless amounts of promises. He broke my heart. That’s when the BIG thought came into my mind. I thought about confronting him about what he did.

I had it all planned out in my head. Park my car in the parking lot at his work, wait for him to walk to his car and then walk over to him, looking super hot, and catch him off guard. I wouldn’t yell or shout or swear. I would be calm, but I would be straight forward. Knowing how cowardly he really is, he’d probably be scared of me and worry I would cause a scene. But, I wouldn’t. I would ask him, “Why did you cheat on me?“, “Was it worth it?“, “How could you sleep with your best friend’s girlfriend?“, and “Why did you beg for me to date you to only cheat on me the whole time?“. I could see him at first denying it, but then giving me some bulls*&* excuse and story that I wouldn’t buy. Then I would end it by telling him that he made the wrong choice. He chose the wrong girl. He made a huge mistake. I feel sorry for him that he has sunken so low. He’d look at me all hurt and angry as I said, “Good-bye” and not “see you when I see you“. When we first started dating we promised we would never say good-bye to each other. It would always be “see you when I see you“. But I wouldn’t want to see him again so I would say “Good-bye”.

But then Fat Amy’s voice came over my thought intercom and said “Hmmm, better not…”. So I didn’t. Though, I honestly considered confronting him. I haven’t yet. Maybe one day I will gain the courage to stand up to him. But it wasn’t today. He lied to me our entire relationship, why would he start telling me the truth now? I don’t trust him enough to be honest with me.

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So here’s to wishful thinking and playful imaginations,

Just Meg

xoxo